After having a comfortable nights sleep we were fully revved up to do some KL exploring on our last day in Malaysia. First off we wanted to grab a phone card so that we could call a hotel on Phuket in Thailand to reserve a room. This proved to be one of the most challenging tasks we had undertaken in our entire time spent in Malaysia. No-one seemed to know what we were talking about and kept saying they did not sell phone cards despite the nice shiny phone boxes standing there on the street. Great.

Temporarily abandoning project phonecard we went down to the nice side of town and the Petronas towers. Which were of course shut on a Monday so we couldnt go up them. Still they were very impressive to look at. This side of town was clearly the rich side of town with beautifully manicured gardens and swimming areas. The shopping plaza was full of your regular designer stores: gucci, prada, chanel etc etc. A complete and utter contrast to the other side of town. Not dissimilar to the vast contrast experienced in Singapore. We resume our phone card hunt and after visiting the tourist desk were instructed of one place that sold them. SCORE. Unfortunately the place only sold expensive ones but we had no choice. With the treasure in our hands we hunted down a phone box. ALAS the card was not working. This was NOT our day. After about what seemed like a zillion tries we finally got it to work and managed to chat to our desired hotel only for the phone to cut out midway through. Of course it then refused to work again. We just hoped our message had got through…

We made our way back to our side of town and went to use the internet at an internet cafe as the connection at the hostel was super slow. As we sat there SG starting giggling and saying Oh my God. What was going on?? She turned to me and pointed to the guy on the computer next to her… He was shaking vigorously with a folder in his lap holding his hand cunningly moving rapidly behind it.. SG couldnt handle it and went to the desk to complain and was given a different computer but after that she couldnt stand to be in there. (She later told me the guy was watching a couple of women wrestling- fully clothed..) I hung around to update some stuff online only for the computers to all go off. A trip to the bathroom proved to be horrific and after my hour was up I was out of there….

We picked up our bags and headed to the aiport to take our flight to Thailand. At the aiport I vainly went to try our phone card again to no avail. SG moved seats whilst I was there and explained to me as I sat down again in our new spot that the guy opposite her had been scratching his trousers ferociously. Just wasn’t her day!!

Going through customs in Thailand and SG’s passport was considered a joke by the officials. (She only had a four page temporary passport.) Otherwise it was highly uneventful.

Trying to find transport was not so simple.. The busses had finished running despite the fact it was only 9pm and so the only option was to take a share taxi at a not so cheap price. Still with no other options we hopped in one with a Kiwi couple and a Dutch lad. After we had been going for about 10 minutes they dropped us off at a travel agent and we were all assigned a different person to talk to. It was already evident that Thailand was going to be far more a hard sell culture than the laid back Malay style. After 5 minutes of no we dont need that or that or that they let us back into the taxi. Back on board the Kiwi guy recounted the story of an Australian couple that were also in the agents. The guy had picked up a can and was offered a note of some kind and was duly told they didnt have change. He put the note back in his pocket and promptly opened the can declaring that he’d had enough of the fucking shit. He then told the story of how his wife and he had been sailing in Indonesia and were hijacked by pirates. The pirates were getting ready to rape his wife and pretty much kill him when they discovered they were Australian (aka not British or American) and decided to let them go. Instead of going home they had decided to carry on with their trip. I am sure I probably could have not done that in their situation and I admire their bravery to stick to fingers up to the world and say fuck you we will carry on and we won’t be held down.

Driving across the island and through the larger towns such as Pa Nang it reminded me of a cheesy seaside resort back home. Bright neon lights everywhere, red faced, red bodied, middle aged people everywhere… It just oozed tacky. We had opted to stay out a bit further and on arrival our hotel was nice and quiet and the room, to put it bluntly luxurious compared to what we had been staying in in Malaysia. It was evident an increase in standards was going to be encountered here! No more dodgy toilets!! Which was a great relief to SG. Utterly knackered and feeling a little melancholic I opted to go to sleep whilst SG went for a wander of the local area.

The afternoon was spent looking for laptops. We spent a few hours in Pantip Plaza a hugeeeee shopping centre devoted entirely to electronics. The place was even more crazy than the centre we had been to in Singapore! Hundreds of people milling around everywhere trying to sell you the latest laptops and electronic gear. We had NO IDEA what we were doing. AT ALL. We had no idea of prices, whether the gear was kosher or what. We headed down and across the road to the “official” HP shop. After a bit of negociation we were ready to purchase a laptop each but alas only 1 was available. We were duly informed that if we returned the following day we would be able to buy 2.

Utterly shattered from the heat and general weary nature of KL we went back to the hostel. We were HAPPY to go back to the comfort and loveliness of our new hostel. Back there we settled in for an evening of DVD watching taking in the critically acclaimed Revolutionary Road. It was good, but insanely depressing. Probably not an unrealistic account of the plight of housewives back in the first part of the 20th century though. I can imagine the frustration of being stuck at home not being able to live out your dreams must be somewhat soul destroying.

As we went to bed we discovered the only downside of the hostel was that you could hear the music from the Reggae Bar below. Luckily for me I had my trusty earplugs to save the day. Bliss.

Our mission of the day was to find a waxing venue. The first couple of places we went to were hideously overpriced. As we trudged round we stumbled upon a sandwich shop with, wait for it, WHOLEMEAL BREAD. Yes that luxurious Western commodity we all take for granted that had not passed our lips since our arrival on Asian soil was being sold at a little sandwich shop. Me and SG were like bulls in a china shop charging towards the golden fruit. Hello healthiness oh yeah. With satisfied bellies we continued the hunt for waxing shops and spied a shop on the second floor of a high rise building. We took the lift up to find the place was open and CHEAP!! Woo hoo. The manager was incredibly friendly and SG headed in first as she was much hairier than I and needed more work I stayed to chat with the manager and two of his friends who came in, a husband and wife pairing who were incredibly lovely. The warmness of the Malaysians is just outstanding. The wife gave us free Mcdonalds vouchers and they supplied us with lots of advice. Turned out the festival we had seen the night before was the beginning of Thaipusam, a hindu festival.

After SG came out, it was my turn to go in. There was still wax on the bed which was comforting… NOT. After half an hour of abject pain my bikini line was red raw and still hairs were visible. I conceded defeat and told her it was OK as I seriously couldnt take any more. I did opt to have ear candle waxing done though, a strange thing to have two big paper cones stuck in your ears burning away.

Leaving the shop, SG conceded her waxing hadn’t gone much better than mine. We decided the wax was the problem.. Never mind. We went to a pharmacy to buy some beauty products (I wanted to pick up some wax strips so I could complete the job at a later date..). Finding a suitable moisturising cream was proving to be a difficult task, contrary to Western pharmacies where everything is bronzing cream this bronzing cream that, everything here was whitening cream this whitening cream that. I hadnt just spent a week on a desert island to whiten my skin again. It’s funny to note the different associations different cultures have with skin colour. Clearly in Malaysian society dark skin is still associated with poverty and working the fields so is not desirable like the Western culture of olden days unlike now where being tanned is a sign of wealth and being able to afford exotic holidays.

The heat and dust were stifling us which left us with no choice but to head back to Prisoner Cell Block H. We weren’t thrilled by the choice but had little other option to escape the heat.

Feeling quite depressed we set out for dinner and afterwards wound back up at reggae bar again where we met the owner R. I told him that I was not happy about soft drinks being more expensive than alcoholic drinks to which he replied “yes i want to get everyone drunk.” We told him how miserable we were where we were staying and he told us to check out his place next door, the reggae guest house. I was dubious but SG was keen so his side kick took us up to show us around. It was HEAVEN in comparison to where we had been staying. Lounge area with plush carpets and TV and DVD player. Really nice rooms and clean kitchens and bathrooms. We were sold. Even if it was only going to be for one night we were moving in the next day. We went back down to R to give him the thumbs up!! His sidekick ended up hanging out with us for the evening whilst SG got chatting to a guy from Kazakhstan to whom she obviously started ranting on about Borat. Oh dear. The sidekick meanwhile was busy telling me how gorgeous I was without alcohol. Interesting chat up line but a no go I’m afraid. SG and I made a rapid exit.

After our boat ride over to the island we were cautious about the return trip and not exactly looking forward to it.. We remembered the advice of the Malay boatman on the way out who had said to sit at the back of the boat especially if the locals head there as you know it’s going to be a rough ride. With this in mind SG and I headed to the back of the boat – one of us on either side leaving one small bench behind us. Noone else was on board and we were feeling happy with our decision… until the locals came on. All four of them grown men squished themselves onto the one bench behind us. Great. We were clearly going to be in for a fun ride. Luckily for us the boat driver went considerably slower than the guy on the outgoing journey had gone, to be honest I think if he hadn’t we would have been swimming for the mainland. The waves were at least a metre high and we were getting splashed quite ferociously. The locals on the other hand looked pretty damn dry. Note to self for next time – sit at the furthest point back possible. No exceptions.

Back on the mainland and we needed to hunt down a taxi to take us to Kota Bharu aiport. After a bit of negociation an elderly guy agreed to take us. Remembering our previous speed filled journeys we stressed that we were “not in a hurry” and could “take our time.” (We stressed this a fair few times..) The guy heeded our pleas and drove real slowly down to the airport. Which could only have been considered a good thing considering he kept turning round to talk to us and laugh mentally with his crazy teeth showing… A scary taxi driver.. At the airport it seemed he was angling for a tip as he pointed out he could have been there and back by now if he had driven faster. Mmm true but a price was a price and we weren’t budging on ours.

The aiport was empty and we were too early to check in so we decided to have a meander around which took, ah all of 2 minutes. Kota Bharu airport is a tad on the small side. So we took a pew and waited for check in to open. Whilst waiting we were accosted by some local students who were looking for foreigners to survey for their tourism project about Kota Bharu. We happily obliged and answered their questions. Seemingly we were the only foreigners around as they came back to take a photo with us. And then came back again with some fans as gifts for us made from local batik material. And then came back again for us to write and sign their books… It was like being famous.

Check in opened and we were still the only ones around. SG came up with the bright idea of weighing ourselves on the check in weigh in scales as we thought we had lost some weight. The check in guy was happy for us to do it and low and behold we did appear to have lost a little weight. Go Malaysia!!! So on that note we headed straight to kfc for a snack. Kfc’s are EVERYWHERE in Malaysia, seriously.

Our flight was our first Air Asia experience and it was a good one. Nice radio tunes blasting out and friendly air staff. We certainly had no complaints. Touching down in KL and going through the customs area and it was like we were in another world to Perhentian. The place was bustling and overflowing with people. After collecting our bags we caught a bus into the city and then a train to the area we wanted to stay in. It was dark by the time we arrived in the China Town area and the hostel we thought we might stay in was booked up. So we headed to one of the other options in the book and luckily there was one room left which we took. Prisoner Cell Block KL (well that was thename we gave it because that’s what it looked like, a prison block). Concrete walls and concrete floors. Small rooms hidden down small corridors with no exterior windows. Amittedly the room was clean although SG saw a cockroach and jumped on the bed screaming. No choice though, we were staying!!

We quickly decided to go explore the area and get something to eat. Most of the places seemed fairly similar offering various different asian fried foods so we plumped for one of them and had some very mediocre stuff. After that we wandered the streets and stumbled upon Little India where a big festival appeared to be going on with a big procession and people dressed up everywhere. Having already eaten we declined the free food.

Afterwards we found a small bar nearby called the Reggae Bar. I was outraged to discover that a soft drink cost more MORE I tell you than an alcoholic drink. I was not happy. After one drink we left and headed back to Prisoner Cell Block KL. Despite the fact it was roasting SG put on her sleeping back and tied it up tight around her face in response to the cockroach sighting of earlier on that evening. She was going to be in for a comfortable night….

It was another early start for me for my final dive before qualifying!! Woooo hooo!!! We were heading out to the lighthouse today. W joined us to lead a separate dive with 2 Quebecois and a Norwegian guy. They all rolled perfectly into the water as I produced another disastrous entry. Still no better at that one then… It was physically the hardest dive yet with a strongish drift current pushing against us which I found hard to swim against. Getting back on board the boat SB announced that we had a new qualified diver (me!!) to which everyone applauded. A great feeling and a great dive team to have done it with, I enjoyed it thoroughly!! So anyone who is out at Perhentian should definately go in and see the Quiver Dive team guys.

Back on land we completed the paperwork to finalise the deal. Interestingly the Norwegian guy had bought an underwater camera cover. Something to think about for sure…

The afternoon was spent lazing with SG on the beach and topping up the tan. Mid way through the afternoon SB and the dive team came strolling up the beach to the dive shop with some kind of shrimp looking thing to introduce to the reef. Good to know that conservation work is being carried out down there as we sadly destroy it… N+A also popped over to say hello and we arranged to meet for dinner later on that evening..

En route to dinner SG and I discovered that the internet connection had been re-established!! So we decided to reconnect with the world!!! It was great to see all the bday messages and to hear from everyone. Our excitement meant that we were late for dinner and N+A were nowhere to be seen. One last dinner at Mama’s and one last scrumptious milkshake. With no sign of N+A we decided to call it a night and went back to our resort where we booked our boat out for the next day. Contrary to threats on the mainland it was a piece of piss to book our boat back. Good old rough guide saved the day again

Morning dive over and I headed back to the resort room to meet SG for lunch. On my bed was a card and present which was a cool surprise as I wasn’t expecting anything. It was a weird feeling knowing I wasn’t going to hear from anyone due to the lack of internet and phone, almost like a regular day. Not that I would have changed it really, it was kind of refreshing not having internet for a while..

Post lunch and I met back up with SB at the dive shop to learn “compass skills.” He sent me out in the water with a compass and I had to navigate my way back under water to a certain point.. Lets just say it wasn’t a complete disaster…. After that we drove out on the boat again to do dive 3 along with W the divemaster. W’s story was not dissimilar to SB’s in that she had been working in the city and had enough and decided to become a diver full time. The only difference is that she is a lot younger… Still I admire her decision, you only live once and money whilst a necessity isn’t the crux of what will make you happy. Dive 3 was probably one of the hardest as skills came back into it. I had to clear my mask again (which I hate doing) and nearly choked in the process. The compass skills were slightly limited too.. Ah well.

I got back to the resort to a chorus of “Happy Birthday’s” from M+M in the hut next door. A Gecko was wandering around too loudly screaming Gecko which resulted in some Gecko chasing for some photo opportunities. Nicely spruced up in our finest glad rags SG and I went down to Mama’s for dinner. A small incident with a French man annoyed us slightly – as we headed to sit down he dived up and grabbed the table we were heading for and attached it to his own saying we couldnt sit there because he was saving it. We were tempted to move the table we did get to the position the other table had been in but decided we would leave him to be a French ass.

As it was birthday night we decided to splash out on the bbq which involved buying a monster fish to be cooked fresh on the beach side bbq with a side of rice and jacket potato and salad. We choose the biggest sweet lips fish available and it was YUMMY. I also had one of Mama’s chocolate milkshake specials. A dinner to die for at a bargain price.

N+A came down to join us later as did an English couple C+A who had brought monkey juice with them which N had been telling us about. The drink of choice on the island.. Very strange looking brown spirit… We had never been to Mama’s toilet facilities before and SG came back with a photo showing their all round beauty. Described by SG as “the worst toilet she had ever peed in” they were housed in tin shacks with toilet paper blocking holes in the wall and mud on the floor. Later on in the evening I decided peeing in the bush was preferrable to the toilet option….

Later on some locals set up a fire further down the beach and so we went along to join a rather large group of people for a sing song. A chorus of happy birthday went round instigated by N which was really cool. Far away from everything the stars were incredibly clear in the night sky and moon was reflecting beautifully on the water. A birthday unlike any other I have ever experienced…

A quick lunch break with SG who was sitting at our resort restaurant. She claimed to have got pooed on by something utterly repulsive.. There was a dodgy stain on her top which did smell foul. No idea what it was though… On my way up to our room I bumped into the wife of the neighbour who had knocked on our wall the night before… I apologised for waking them up to which she replied “I didn’t hear anything but my husband told me that I wouldn’t want to know what you were talking about..” Oh dear…

After lunch and SG went back to sunbathing whilst I went back to diving. First proper dive.. EEK. I had to do a reverse roll entrance into the sea which turned into a leg getting caught and bumbling my way into the sea. Still I got in and that was the main thing (with a slightly bruised leg as a present..). The feeling of being underwater is amazing and at the same time very strange… Breathing becomes so apparent in a way it never does above water (I guess it’s partly the noise but also partly the fact you have to remember to breath..). It’s really quiet and peaceful too.. Eerily peaceful in fact. The visibility for the dive wasn’t the best but it was an amazing experience none the less. We saw a lot of sea creatures I had never seen including “Nemo” clown fish. The dive went without major incident although I did struggle somewhat with my buoyancy control. SB had to stretch forth with his hand and drag me back down at once point as I drifted off to the surface in a panic! The feeling of powerlessness in that situation was overwhelming and you can understand at those points why you have a buddy to protect and help you – a very reassuring thing.

Back on land and diving was done for the day. For our evening meal we headed to our regular haunt of Mama’s cafe on the beach front with another yummy milkshake mm mm mm. After SG and I walked back to our resort where everyone was clustered in the restaurant/bar area watching bbc world. Turns out that whilst we had been soaking up the sun in the Perhentian islands, London had been closed down due to snow. Laughs all round from the assembled crew and another day in paradise over..